Retired Navy Capt. Joan E. Darrah shares her story about how she lived her life as a lesbian in a relationship and also as an officer in the Navy.  It’s pretty moving:

In spite of the stress of living under “don’t ask, don’t tell” and the constant fear of losing my job, somehow my partner, Lynne Kennedy, an openly gay reference librarian at the Library of Congress, and I had learned to deal with the policy and make the requisite sacrifices.

I had pretended to be straight and played the games most gays in the military are all too familiar with — not daring to have a picture of Lynne on my desk, being reluctant to go out to dinner with her, telling her not to call me at work except in a real emergency, not going to church together, avoiding shopping for groceries together and generally staying out of sight of anyone I knew when we were together. I didn’t want to have to lie about who Lynne was or have someone conclude that we were more than casual friends.

I’m used to going grocery shopping with my partner and while we work at different churches, I like it when we can worship together. Hell, I like it when I go shopping with Daniel for something as mudane as getting milk. It would be hard to deal with not being able to even be seen together for fear of getting caught.

Capt. Darah says that things changed after September 11:

At 8:30 a.m. on September 11, I went to a meeting in the Pentagon. At 9:30 a.m. I left that meeting. At 9:37 a.m., American Airlines Flight No. 77 slammed into the Pentagon and destroyed the exact space I had left less than eight minutes earlier, killing seven of my colleagues.

In the days and weeks that followed, I went to several funerals and memorial services for shipmates who had been killed. Most of my co-workers attended these services with their spouses whose support was critical at this difficult time, yet I was forced to go alone.

As the numbness began to wear off, it hit me how incredibly alone Lynne would have been had I been killed. The military is known for how it pulls together and helps people; we talk of the “military family,” which is a way of saying we always look after each other, especially in times of need. But none of that support would have been available for Lynne, because under “don’t ask, don’t tell,” she couldn’t exist.

In fact, Lynne would have been one of the last people to know had I been killed, because nowhere in my paperwork or emergency contact information had I dared to list her name.

This realization caused us to stop and reassess exactly what was most important in our lives. During that process, we realized that the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was causing us to make a much bigger sacrifice than either of us had ever admitted. Eight months later, in June 2002, I retired after more than 29 years in the U.S. Navy, an organization I will always love and respect.

So could someone please tell me why we should prohibit someone like this from being able to serve openly?

Republicans tend to show a lot of respect towards those that serve in the military, as we should. So, why should that stop when the person in uniform is gay?

I don’t get it.